So, This is England (Part Two)

There was a ’sunny spell’ today. Too bad I was in work for most of it. Now its chillingly cold and I’m in the library sorting out my work and business whilst most of my people are out on the town. There’s something peaceful about the street when there’s that chill in the air and everything’s a bit quite. Its a great time for a true conversation- even if it’s only a conversation with your own heart. Today i worked, cleaned, got my mobile phone situation sorted, and then came to university for the computer. I’m very tired today and don’t have much to write really, so apologies for that! I’m having a boring day and hope it stays that way. Sometimes girls don’t want to have fun.

So, This is England (Part One)

So in an effort to move things in a new direction I’m going to use this blog as my diary of sorts. Obviously I have a real journal (the written sort) with all the juicy bits I’m far to respectable to put online for general consumption, AHEM. So this blog, ‘An Open Vien’, while still featuring bits of creative work here and there, will also document my ‘adventures’ for family, friends, and bored people worldwide… oh and there will be pictures too if that’s of interest. Firstly, apologies to everyone for being shit at keeping in touch. I have gone through the following progression: no Internet, Internet but laptop power supply eaten by household cat. I’m on that last one just now. Excuses, excuses I know. So here goes the blog, I’ll include bits for you all- you’ll know which ones are for each of you (talking to the kin and friends, not strangers) because either I’ll say it or you’ll just know. I’ve borrowed the heading ‘So, This is England’ because I’m chock-full of creativity.

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It doesn’t stop raining. The BBC describes sun the way I recall rain being described: in spells. It classifies as a ’sunny spell’ if the sun shows its face for a day or more, ‘intermitent sun’ if it graces us with its presence for more than 10 seconds on any given day. So the weather’s not brilliant, and I figured I’d get that out of the way since its the first thing people discuss anyway. This post will be a bit nostalgic just to warn you.

Mom, you’ll be proud. Your obsessive-compulsive cleanliness has, after all, rubbed off on me. My room, my books, notes, and general living space resembles that of Rainman’s. I eat okay in this land- lots of pasta, cereal, tea, toast, and for a brief spell there pints. No use in denying that one. AHEM.

So for you all family members here’s what I’ve learned about you from being away from you. Funny how you see things better from far away isn’t it? I’ll use only the initials of your name in case you’re the paranoid about the Internet types. This gets mushy, so bear with me other people. Ok, PB, you rock, and I admire your bravery and how you’ve always stuck to your beliefs no matter what, and also that you’re not afraid to change, or admit when you’re wrong (most of the time;)). BB, welcome to our messy family, I love you and am glad you’re with my crazy sister- you’ll get a sainthood for all that patience. FX, christ, I respect you more than I can ever say, really. I’ll have you know I turn off every light I’m not using these days. But no, really, I’m really proud of how you’re always an adult, I hope when I’m done growing up I can even be a one hundredth of the person you are. DX you always do what settles right in your head, the right thing that is, and although we don’t always agree on what that is, I really admire you for knowing your own mind. BS (unfortunate initials there buddy), you are a truly nice guy. I knew it before but now I appreciate it more, please never change and raise your future sons to be just like you and your brother, you have NO IDEA how rare you are as a species. DS, you’re hilarious and a good man (although pure evil), and thank god you’re with my sister. After seeing some of the jerks friend of mine have dated, I’m so thrilled you exist and are part of our family. Mom and Dad, you worked so hard for your family and helped me get where I am today. I’ll never forget that and someday I’ll be able to thank you in more than just words. Right, done.

Here’s what else I’ve learned ( these are just some points, not a distillation of ALL my wisdom ( I hope you get the sarcasam there)):

1. There is nothing romantic about being poor in a big city. This may seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people think its somehow ‘poetic’. ITS NOT. Suffering, like love, is only poetic in hindsight. When you’re in it, its positively horrid and poetry can go to hell as far as your concerned.
2. People are not what they seem. Do not mistake beauty for goodness or intelligence for maturity. Unfortunately these traits aren’t congruent. Not even in ourselves. Intentions mean nothing in the end, if your hearts in the right place, be in the right place with it. As a good friend of mine constantly reminds me: words without deeds mean nothing.
3. Some people SHOULD, in fact, be shot. Ok, maybe not shot, but definitely maimed. I have never been one to cast judgement (how could I given my track record in life?) but I can’t help pitying and wanting to slap certain individuals I encounter. FOR EXAMPLE, if I see one more bleach-blonde, overly made up girl from Birkenhead taking the piss out of the handicapped I will personally kneecap them. I can not understand the lack of humanity in some people. Not all Birkenhead people behave this way, the majority are quite nice in fact, but there are some that make me regret that procreation isn’t monitored.
4. Remember who your friends are and are not. If you have to measure your words with someone, they’re probably not your friend. Friends are what this quote says: ‘A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.’ I don’t know who said that quote, but I’ve always loved it.
5. Don’t forget what you love. This is one I’m guilty of. I forgot for some odd reason, the contents of my own heart for the past month and a half. I forgot that I love music, my beloved literature, nature, art, museums, travel, photography, plays, kind souls, gentleness, and so much more. I like a good shindig as well, but I forgot the other bits. I forgot how a lovely sunset, classical tune, and so many other things bring tears to my eyes. I can’t believe I forgot that the way a flower looks against the pale morning light is one of God’s gifts to the world. I can’t believe I forgot so much that makes me, well, me. I haven’t been on the piss full-time or anything, its just my heart shut itself up for some reason and I didn’t take note. Its a dangerous thing, and I’ll not let it happen again. I’ve discovered through this that you’re most unhappy when you’re trying to be something you’re not.

All these things seem obvious, and they are, but sometimes your life changes and you forget everything. Its quite funny I thought by the age of 22 I’d be done growing up, but I’m not. I don’t think I’ll ever be done discovering new bits about myself, but I have realised that now, this time in my life,is where I’m consciously shaping who I am. Its the first time where I am the main factor in deciding where my road goes. Its scary actually, to know that you’ve no one to blame for your failures but yourself. The funny thing is you’ll always have many people to thank for your successes. There’s irony for you. Enough for now, I think tomorrow I’ll post some pictures and write a bit lighter.

Good night, and to all those in the US of A, happy Turkeyday.

Love,

Lucy

Child

Barren room, barren woman
White walls, blackened soul
Rigid chairs and wooded cells
Trapped in a mind not her own.

Desolate heart, desolate head
Sauntering starkness, ivory thread
Concrete floors and lighted roofs
Four walls caging wild thoughts.

Tearing the chain
Of adoration,
Of love,
Forever.

Like gleaming stars
Tears fall,
From Heaven,
Forever.

Welcome!

This it the creative writing portion of my blog, here you’ll see everything from short stories to poetry and I invite you all to comment upon them. All work published here is original unless otherwise noted.

The name of the blog “An Open Vein” is derived from the quote by famed sports writer Red Smith who boldly stated:

“There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.”

A writer tears their soul apart searching for those bits that are hidden away. This blog will be a reflection of those things I’ve found in myself, in others, and in the world which I know to be true. I hope you enjoy your visit.